See I had to qualify this because older songs have wildly WTHery lyrics that we could choose from.  For instance, years ago, when my mother first told me about the lyrics to Mcarthur Park I was certain that she was making that crap up because that is seriously bizarre.

Between the parted pages and were pressed, In love’s hot, fevered iron Like a striped pair of pants. MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark. All the sweet, green icing flowing down… Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don’t think that I can take it. ‘Cause it took so long to bake it And I’ll never have that recipe again. Oh, no!

At any rate, nothing put out now can rival the drug induced madness of those days.  Oh those sweet high songs of yore.  But these will have to do.

1.  Owl City, Fireflies

A foxtrot above my head, a sock hop beneath my bed.  A disco ball is just hanging by a thread.

Just like my sanity.  It must first be noted that these are ten million fireflies, copiously weeping fireflies, doing the dance teaching here.  Because everyone knows that no one teaches a foxtrot better than a bipolar firefly.  I will admit that nothing in this entire song makes a terribly huge amount of sense but these lines are particularly odd.  Later when he says that he likes to believe that planet earth moves slowly I always think that he’s also thinking that whatever he’s taking allows him to see every rotation in color, dude.

2. Pitbull, Hotel Room Service

I’m the plumber tonight, I’ll check your pipes, oh, you the healthy type. Well, here goes some egg whites.

WTH?  I’m the plumber?  Is that supposed to be sexy?  Is there some allusion here that I’m missing?  You’ll check my pipes?  For my egg whites?  Oh, baby, you do have a way with words.  You must have to beat the ladies off of you.  They all want their “pipes checked.”

3.  Lady Gaga, Bad Romance

I want your psycho, your vertical stick.  I want you in my room when your baby is sick.

I know it’s sort of cheating a little to have Lady Gaga on a list like this since basically everything she says and does is incomprehensible but I have her on here more than once.  This one seriously confuses me.  I have absolutely no idea what she could even be alluding to, let alone what she actually means.  I want your psycho?  You want my mother to come over?  Because that’s the only psycho I have.  I can take a guess at the vertical stick, though the term makes me think of the controllers from Atari games.  But the last sentence is the one that really confuses me.  “I want you in my room when your baby is sick.”  Maybe it’s because I actually have a baby, but I think if your baby is sick you should probably be with it, instead of attempting to bump vertical sticks with lady gaga.  And if “your baby is sick” is suggesting some sort of sexual activity I don’t think I want to know what it is.

4.  Black Eyed Peas, Boom Boom Pow

Beats so big I’m steppin’ on leprechauns.

Okay, seriously?  You’re stepping on leprechauns?  Not only is this bizarre but it seems unnecessarily cruel.  What did those little leprechauns do to you?  All they’re trying to do is protect their lucky charms and you get all up in their space and start stepping on people?  Plus, I wasn’t aware that leprechauns figured predominantly in rap subculture.  It’s not something I really expected to hear blaring out of my radio with Fergie of the humps.

5.  Jay Sean (Feat. Lil Wayne), Down

She crawl all over things, I got that girl from overseas.

So many things are wrong with these two sentences I have no freaking idea where to even start.  Why is she crawling all over things and am I the only one getting images of some sort of comic book supervillain or blade vampire climbing all over walls.  Also what does he mean he got that girl from overseas?  What is she, some kind of mail order bride?  Russianwallcrawlers.com, your home for hot chicks who want to climb some American walls.

6.  LMFAO, I’m In Miami Trick

When I step on the scene y’all know me, cause I walk with a limp

First things first, I have a problem taking any band seriously that has a name like LMFAO.  They are standing in line for greatness right behind OMG and AFKBRB.  Also I’m seriously not sure what he means by this.  I’m getting an image of like Quasimodo here and I’m not certain if this is supposed to be pimpin’ or what.  Is it cool now to walk with a limp?  I should have checked on Urban dictionary for any instances of walking like a peg legged pirate being the epitome of coolness.  Also this song wins the award for the most uses of the word ass in a single song.  (16 that I counted, if you’re the number crunching type)  Bravo, LMFAO, bravo.

7.  Flo Rida, Right Round

Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers.  Girl you drink with all that goodie power

I will admit to knowing what neither of these sentences mean.  I mean, I understand the words, but I don’t understand them together.  I owe you just like the flowers?  What does he owe to flowers?  Is flowers the code name for some mob organization that lends money to indigent rappers?  Or does he just love the smell of the roses so much that he feels he owes them something for the privilege of inhaling their luscious scents?  I also have no idea what goodie power is or how one drinks with it.  And not only does she drink with goodie power, she drinks with all of it.  Either this is a woman who kicks back the liquor fueled by the power of the enormous number of Twinkies she inhales or I have no idea what this means.  Frankly, I’m going with option two.  Though the idea of having super powers fueled by Twinkies kind of rocks.

8.  Lady Gaga, Just Dance

Spend the lasto, in you pocko

I will admit to initially being attracted to this line because I always thought she was saying “You molesto my Paco.”  Which also doesn’t make a lot of sense but certainly amuses me.  Like my friend, coworker, husband, butler, Paco, is getting madly molested by Lady Gaga and a disco stick while he tries to run for his life.  But in reality this is still stupid.  Like she just stuck O on the end so that they rhyme with each other.  The way that stupid people add an O to the end of words in an attempt to make people who speak Spanish understand you.

9.  Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.

This is another song where I confess that I misunderstood the words and found the song better for it.  I always thought that she was saying she hopped off the plane with a dream IN her cardigan, which is where I keep all my dreams.  Also my twinkies.  Some might say this is cheating since every MC song is somewhat inexplicable by the very nature of it being on the radio and popular.  Sort of like the same phenominon that drives Twilight.  But I say look deeper and this song is inexplicable on other, deeper, levels too.  If I’m going to fly into LA I’m going to take more than a dream and a sweater.  What if it isn’t cold?  Aren’t you going to wish you’d at least packed a dream, a cardigan and like a bathing suit or something?  And why didn’t her parents pack better for her?  I mean she is like twelve.  Seriously, the flight attendant will be helping her fasten her seatbelt and asking her if she’d like to see the cockpit.  Also this song sounds as though she’s saying she flies into LA, terribly nervous and strung out, dances around for awhile and then goes home.  WTH?  Why was she nervous at all?  Dance anxiety?  Maybe she was afraid that she would lose her cardigan.

10.  Enur (Feat. Natasja), Calabria

Make me wobble, make my whole body bubble.

Okay, I’m sure that he means something romantic, or at the very least sexy, by this.  But when someone makes my whole body bubble it’s probably because they’ve given me hives or some kind of exotic STD.   Either way someone causing your body to bubble is probably never a good thing.  Second degree burns are another option that might cause bubbling.  Either way, not something we want.

11.  Meatloaf, I’ll Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)

And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, I won’t do that
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, oh I won’t do that

This isn’t too recent a song but since it came while I was an adult I’m going to go ahead and pretend I’m not too old and qualify this as recent.  It’s more recent than McArthur Park anyway.  Aside from this video being full of fat old dude riding around on a motorcycle awesomeness, this song doesn’t have much going for it.  It’s repetitive, not particularly romantic and it makes little sense.  I’ll do anything for love.  Except for that one thing.  And you’re lucky I didn’t slap you for bringing it up.   This is about the butt secks isn’t it?

12.  Gavin Degraw, I’m in Love With a Girl

But you found inner peace for the moment, The moment was over in time, Then its gone the hit and run the dipless one has a short life

As opposed to in love with the boy which is Clay Aiken’s most recent single.  I will admit to never understanding this line and going to the lyrics site looking for clarity.  Which I, sadly, did not find.  The dipless one has a short life?  WTH does that mean?  I mean, seriously.  First of all, what is a dipless one?  Like the little dipping sticks that my children leave when they get that pixie powder crap with those nasty white candy sticks.  They dump out and eat all the powder and ignore the sticks.  So either the song writers have wormed their way into the psyche of my children or this means something I don’t understand.  Why is this particular one dipless and why does being dipless lead to a short life?  It’s still a mystery.

13.  The Ting Tings, Shut Up and Let Me Go

Your jeans were once so clean, I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met.

I’m just not sure whether they are being literal here or not.  Does she want him to shut up and shove off because of his dirty pants?  Is this suggestive of something else and I’m just not deep enough to get it?  And if he changed his wardrobe since they met how dirty can his jeans be?  Did he buy a new wardrobe composed entirely of thrift store jeans?  I’m confused.  And if she’s being literal just how dirty do ones jeans have to get to be given the brush off by a group of people who sings a song about all the names that are not their name?  I bet they’d have to be pretty dirty.  I think this guy may qualify as the sort of person who would make my whole body bubble.

AJ

Someone asked this question at Romancedivas.com and I think it’s an excellent one.  Especially with valentine’s day coming up any second.  I’d like to have you guys share yours as well.

I am a little funny about what’s romantic.  To me wine and roses, not all that romantic.  It’s the real life stuff that makes a great relationship.  So a lot of the songs I find romantic are probably not going to be the same as the ones on your lists.

The Man in Love With You by George Strait.  Wonderful.  Just lovely.  He owns up to the fact he isn’t capable of moving mountains for her or working magic but he is the man in love with her.  How could we ever ask for more?

Man in Love With You

As a general rule I actually don’t listen to much country but some of the most romantic songs I can think of are actually country.  Like this one by Dierks Bentley.  Long Trip Alone.  Life is long and hard to trek alone.  How about together.   This video is odd but the sentiment remains lovely.

Long Trip Alone

And for my last country song for the moment.  This song was my wedding song.  My husband chose it and I love it.  I think it was a wonderful choice for two people who love each other in that real life way.  Home to You by John Michael Montgomery.

Home to You

In the non-country realm there’s tons of songs I think are very romantic.  One is the song by Lifehouse called Hanging by a Moment.   I love that song.  He says, “I’m falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I’ve held on to.  I’m standing here until you make me move.”  I love that.  Just love it.  I’m standing here as long as you let me.  That’s how deeply I am in your life.  Awesome.

Hanging By a Moment

I also love The Calling’s Wherever You Will Go.  Same thing.  I’ll follow you where ever you go.  What could be more romantic than that?

Wherever You Will Go

Snow Patrol’s Chasing Car’s is another one.  There’s something so poignant about the line, “If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”  I love that so much.  “All that I am and all that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes.  They’re all I can see.”  Sigh.

Chasing Cars

Of course this isn’t remotely the whole of my list.  But it’s a teaser.  What are some of the songs on your list?

AJ

So we got this packet in the mail from Disney Home Videos, for whom I used to work, trying to sell us copious amounts of DVD’s because Disney will sell anything if they think they can get away with it.  And they can get away with selling a lot of things that defy reason and imagination because they slap a picture of a princess on it.  I am just as guilty of this as any other parent.  I put myself through things that would have been considered cruel and unusual twenty years ago because my daughter wants to watch it.

But among this list of movies that I can use to lower my already questionable level of sanity is a “free gift.”  About two dozen stickers that we can put on the Disney DVDs we already own to identify them as ours.  I will tell you that in the real world my last name is Anderson.  I don’t use it because everyone’s last name is Anderson.  So these little stickers say, “This Disney DVD’s owner is: THE ANDERSON FAMILY.”

This freaking sticker drives me insane.  My kids have insisted on placing them all over my house including in places which could, in no way, be classified as a DVD.  Or even DVD related.  Like the bathroom wall and all over the edge of the kitchen table.  This sticker is barely English!  It drives me nuts.  I can think of a million ways this could be written that would place it more fully in the realm of objects intended for those people for whom English is not a second language.

How about, “This Disney DVD belongs to the Anderson family.”  Oh, excuse me.  THE ANDERSON FAMILY.  Because we deserve to be capitalized.  We’re THE Anderson family.  The only one.  We’re like the Matrix.  Or how about, “This Disney DVD is owned by THE ANDERSON FAMILY.”  Is it just me or can you hear that echoing when you say it?

Or any number of ways that would have been more gramatically appropriate, not that this is entirely inappropriate grammatically, just incredibly annoying.  It makes me want to never buy another Disney DVD again.  But it probably doesn’t matter because even if I didn’t I will be finding these stickers forever, on the bottom of my shoes, the inside of the lid to the garbage can and in the box of granola bars.  This Oatmeal Raisin Chewy Granola Bar’s owner is:  THE ANDERSON FAMILY!

AJ

So yesterday on the radio I heard they were remaking a very favorite of mine.  My Fair Lady.  I’m not sure because I didn’t look it up, even though I meant to, but I don’t think it is a modern adaptation.  But the point of this story is this.

I heard on the radio that casting agents are pushing hard to recast the fabulous Henry Higgins, one of my favorite characters of all time.  It’s not hard to have a soft spot for a character that retains the charactaristics that make him unique and different even after falling in love.  When I was a kid I hated the end of that movie.  But now I love it because it’s true to Henry Higgins’ character.  We know he loves her, he knows he loves her and she knows he loves her.  Who cares if he says it.  I suspect he will eventually.  He just needs to get his mind around the idea of saying it outloud and putting himself at that much of a disadvantage.

The original Henry Higgins was played by the indomitable Rex Harrison.  Oh, how I love him.  And Rex was  a hottie as a young man.  In fact, he wasn’t so bad as an old man.

Now I understand that the two men neck and neck for this part in remake are Brad Pitt and George Clooney.  Oh, dear God, and I mean that as a prayer.  Brad Pitt and George Clooney?  Why not just cast Prince or a woman, instead?

I will admit that both look decently like Henry Higgins might.  However, neither one of them are stellar actors.  I submit to you Meet Joe Black and Batman.  Ouch.

Why not use an English actor.  What’s up with all the Americans?  I have no desire to watch Brad Pitt butcher an English accent.  He’ll need the same kind of lessons as Eliza Doolittle before he can do the part.

Here’s my suggestions for casting.  I’m sure there are tons of English actors who would step up in a part like this.  But allow me to suggest…

Colin Firth

Colin is a wonderful actor who, we already know, excels at acting imperious.  I love him in almost everything he does and look, he’s English.

Kenneth Branagh

Kenneth is famous for his Shakespeare and he looks right too.  He’s also famous for having once been married to Emma Thompson the nutty oracle reader in the Harry Potter movies among others.

Heck, I’d even suggest Sting

He’s an actor, he’s English, he’s freaking hot, and he’s old enough to be Henry Higgins.  And he can sing.

I’m sure there’s a ton of people I haven’t even thought of.  Got any suggestions?  Ones that aren’t Brad Pitt and George Clooney?

AJ