So everyone I know has like Mantitty Monday or whatever and I feel bad that I’m the only one who doesn’t have like an entire page on my site dedicated to objectifying the less fair sex. So in deference to the popularity of staring at men for pleasure I have devised this Friday feature. Men with glasses Friday. Yes, we can’t all enjoy the same things.
So there he is folks. Patrick Dempsey in glasses. This Friday’s Guy With Glasses.
See I had to qualify this because older songs have wildly WTHery lyrics that we could choose from. For instance, years ago, when my mother first told me about the lyrics to Mcarthur Park I was certain that she was making that crap up because that is seriously bizarre.
Between the parted pages and were pressed, In love’s hot, fevered iron Like a striped pair of pants. MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark. All the sweet, green icing flowing down… Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don’t think that I can take it. ‘Cause it took so long to bake it And I’ll never have that recipe again. Oh, no!
At any rate, nothing put out now can rival the drug induced madness of those days. Oh those sweet high songs of yore. But these will have to do.
1. Owl City, Fireflies
A foxtrot above my head, a sock hop beneath my bed. A disco ball is just hanging by a thread.
Just like my sanity. It must first be noted that these are ten million fireflies, copiously weeping fireflies, doing the dance teaching here. Because everyone knows that no one teaches a foxtrot better than a bipolar firefly. I will admit that nothing in this entire song makes a terribly huge amount of sense but these lines are particularly odd. Later when he says that he likes to believe that planet earth moves slowly I always think that he’s also thinking that whatever he’s taking allows him to see every rotation in color, dude.
2. Pitbull, Hotel Room Service
I’m the plumber tonight, I’ll check your pipes, oh, you the healthy type. Well, here goes some egg whites.
WTH? I’m the plumber? Is that supposed to be sexy? Is there some allusion here that I’m missing? You’ll check my pipes? For my egg whites? Oh, baby, you do have a way with words. You must have to beat the ladies off of you. They all want their “pipes checked.”
3. Lady Gaga, Bad Romance
I want your psycho, your vertical stick. I want you in my room when your baby is sick.
I know it’s sort of cheating a little to have Lady Gaga on a list like this since basically everything she says and does is incomprehensible but I have her on here more than once. This one seriously confuses me. I have absolutely no idea what she could even be alluding to, let alone what she actually means. I want your psycho? You want my mother to come over? Because that’s the only psycho I have. I can take a guess at the vertical stick, though the term makes me think of the controllers from Atari games. But the last sentence is the one that really confuses me. “I want you in my room when your baby is sick.” Maybe it’s because I actually have a baby, but I think if your baby is sick you should probably be with it, instead of attempting to bump vertical sticks with lady gaga. And if “your baby is sick” is suggesting some sort of sexual activity I don’t think I want to know what it is.
4. Black Eyed Peas, Boom Boom Pow
Beats so big I’m steppin’ on leprechauns.
Okay, seriously? You’re stepping on leprechauns? Not only is this bizarre but it seems unnecessarily cruel. What did those little leprechauns do to you? All they’re trying to do is protect their lucky charms and you get all up in their space and start stepping on people? Plus, I wasn’t aware that leprechauns figured predominantly in rap subculture. It’s not something I really expected to hear blaring out of my radio with Fergie of the humps.
5. Jay Sean (Feat. Lil Wayne), Down
She crawl all over things, I got that girl from overseas.
So many things are wrong with these two sentences I have no freaking idea where to even start. Why is she crawling all over things and am I the only one getting images of some sort of comic book supervillain or blade vampire climbing all over walls. Also what does he mean he got that girl from overseas? What is she, some kind of mail order bride? Russianwallcrawlers.com, your home for hot chicks who want to climb some American walls.
6. LMFAO, I’m In Miami Trick
When I step on the scene y’all know me, cause I walk with a limp
First things first, I have a problem taking any band seriously that has a name like LMFAO. They are standing in line for greatness right behind OMG and AFKBRB. Also I’m seriously not sure what he means by this. I’m getting an image of like Quasimodo here and I’m not certain if this is supposed to be pimpin’ or what. Is it cool now to walk with a limp? I should have checked on Urban dictionary for any instances of walking like a peg legged pirate being the epitome of coolness. Also this song wins the award for the most uses of the word ass in a single song. (16 that I counted, if you’re the number crunching type) Bravo, LMFAO, bravo.
7. Flo Rida, Right Round
Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers. Girl you drink with all that goodie power
I will admit to knowing what neither of these sentences mean. I mean, I understand the words, but I don’t understand them together. I owe you just like the flowers? What does he owe to flowers? Is flowers the code name for some mob organization that lends money to indigent rappers? Or does he just love the smell of the roses so much that he feels he owes them something for the privilege of inhaling their luscious scents? I also have no idea what goodie power is or how one drinks with it. And not only does she drink with goodie power, she drinks with all of it. Either this is a woman who kicks back the liquor fueled by the power of the enormous number of Twinkies she inhales or I have no idea what this means. Frankly, I’m going with option two. Though the idea of having super powers fueled by Twinkies kind of rocks.
8. Lady Gaga, Just Dance
Spend the lasto, in you pocko
I will admit to initially being attracted to this line because I always thought she was saying “You molesto my Paco.” Which also doesn’t make a lot of sense but certainly amuses me. Like my friend, coworker, husband, butler, Paco, is getting madly molested by Lady Gaga and a disco stick while he tries to run for his life. But in reality this is still stupid. Like she just stuck O on the end so that they rhyme with each other. The way that stupid people add an O to the end of words in an attempt to make people who speak Spanish understand you.
9. Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus
I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.
This is another song where I confess that I misunderstood the words and found the song better for it. I always thought that she was saying she hopped off the plane with a dream IN her cardigan, which is where I keep all my dreams. Also my twinkies. Some might say this is cheating since every MC song is somewhat inexplicable by the very nature of it being on the radio and popular. Sort of like the same phenominon that drives Twilight. But I say look deeper and this song is inexplicable on other, deeper, levels too. If I’m going to fly into LA I’m going to take more than a dream and a sweater. What if it isn’t cold? Aren’t you going to wish you’d at least packed a dream, a cardigan and like a bathing suit or something? And why didn’t her parents pack better for her? I mean she is like twelve. Seriously, the flight attendant will be helping her fasten her seatbelt and asking her if she’d like to see the cockpit. Also this song sounds as though she’s saying she flies into LA, terribly nervous and strung out, dances around for awhile and then goes home. WTH? Why was she nervous at all? Dance anxiety? Maybe she was afraid that she would lose her cardigan.
10. Enur (Feat. Natasja), Calabria
Make me wobble, make my whole body bubble.
Okay, I’m sure that he means something romantic, or at the very least sexy, by this. But when someone makes my whole body bubble it’s probably because they’ve given me hives or some kind of exotic STD. Either way someone causing your body to bubble is probably never a good thing. Second degree burns are another option that might cause bubbling. Either way, not something we want.
11. Meatloaf, I’ll Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)
And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, I won’t do that
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, oh I won’t do that
This isn’t too recent a song but since it came while I was an adult I’m going to go ahead and pretend I’m not too old and qualify this as recent. It’s more recent than McArthur Park anyway. Aside from this video being full of fat old dude riding around on a motorcycle awesomeness, this song doesn’t have much going for it. It’s repetitive, not particularly romantic and it makes little sense. I’ll do anything for love. Except for that one thing. And you’re lucky I didn’t slap you for bringing it up. This is about the butt secks isn’t it?
12. Gavin Degraw, I’m in Love With a Girl
But you found inner peace for the moment, The moment was over in time, Then its gone the hit and run the dipless one has a short life
As opposed to in love with the boy which is Clay Aiken’s most recent single. I will admit to never understanding this line and going to the lyrics site looking for clarity. Which I, sadly, did not find. The dipless one has a short life? WTH does that mean? I mean, seriously. First of all, what is a dipless one? Like the little dipping sticks that my children leave when they get that pixie powder crap with those nasty white candy sticks. They dump out and eat all the powder and ignore the sticks. So either the song writers have wormed their way into the psyche of my children or this means something I don’t understand. Why is this particular one dipless and why does being dipless lead to a short life? It’s still a mystery.
13. The Ting Tings, Shut Up and Let Me Go
Your jeans were once so clean, I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met.
I’m just not sure whether they are being literal here or not. Does she want him to shut up and shove off because of his dirty pants? Is this suggestive of something else and I’m just not deep enough to get it? And if he changed his wardrobe since they met how dirty can his jeans be? Did he buy a new wardrobe composed entirely of thrift store jeans? I’m confused. And if she’s being literal just how dirty do ones jeans have to get to be given the brush off by a group of people who sings a song about all the names that are not their name? I bet they’d have to be pretty dirty. I think this guy may qualify as the sort of person who would make my whole body bubble.
AJ
Once a month, a bunch of authors get together and post excerpts from published books, contracted work or works in progress, and link to each other. You don’t have to be published to participate–just an writer with an excerpt you’d like to share. For more info on how to participate, head over to Excerpt Monday or click on the banner above.
Today I thought I’d do an excerpt from my book, Cat and Mouse, which will be releasing from Freya’s Bower on October 20! Check it out. This is a scene from chapter three, where the heroine, Kitty, is changing into a were-cat. Kitty is a substandard were, unable to control her changes from human to cat and back.
Not being able to control the change has been a never-ending issue for me. And by the change I don’t mean hot flashes and estrogen pills. Sometimes I’ve had to flee a briefing because I was turning into a freaking cat. At those moments, I usually used something like bad sushi as an excuse. In this case, I didn’t use anything. I turned on my heel and ran.
Sam would be confused. Jeanette would be mad at me. And Lisa would have a ball gossiping about this to anyone who would listen. But I didn’t have time to come up with some clever explanation. I ran for the nearest empty room—a conference room on the same side of the hotel the reunion used.
I tried to get the dress off, but it had too many buttons. I dropped onto the floor on my hands and knees and prayed no one had tried to follow me.
Changing didn’t exactly hurt, but it didn’t feel good either. My skin crawled and my insides were in knots.
Teeth gritted, I fisted my hands until they became paws and pulled in my body until it became sleek and compact. I had to fight my way out of the tangle of clothes and move away from my dress. Now, I couldn’t leave the hotel until I changed back.
I examined my dress and realized the smooth fabric had been pulled, probably by the rough wall. I meowed under my breath. That dress had cost me two hundred and ten dollars, and what’s more, I’d liked it. But then again, the pleasure in wearing it had paled in comparison to the pleasure of Sam trying to remove it.
Purring without meaning to at the memory, I stepped around the dress and headed for the open window.
The long prevailing idea that weres can’t control their behavior in their animal form is so many kinds of untrue. Like the myth that telemarketers have a “Do Not Call” list. It just isn’t real. I have always been perfectly aware of my every moment in either form, and, as I might have mentioned, I’m not even a good cat. So, imagine the control the others have. Well, except were-wolves. They actually couldn’t control themselves, which is why there aren’t any now.
But I was perfectly aware the whole time. The thing is, being a cat isn’t interesting. I can clean myself, which does hold a certain novelty, let’s be honest. I can sleep for fourteen hours straight.
Or I can chase mice.
I personally prefer to chase mice. I would never eat them. That’s disgusting. But I do like to chase them, give them a little scare, and go on about my business. Well, and sometimes I do lick them. I am a cat, after all.
Once I’d climbed out the window, I looked for some sign of what time it was, but it turned out to be a hopeless task. I’d lost track of time making out with Sam like we were teenagers again. But no teenager had ever had that smoothly muscled, hard body. Heck, most lawyers didn’t either. He must have had one hell of a workout routine to get a body like that.
So here I sat with no clue how long I’d be a cat this time. I hoped it was not going to be more than an hour because if the conference room closed up before I turned human again, I would be going home naked.
I sniffed the ground but my nose didn’t work any better in cat form. Cursed allergies. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a movement low to the ground behind a nearby bush. Maybe a lizard. Lizards weren’t quite as fun to chase as mice, but one would do in a pinch, and I did have time to kill.
I slinked under the bush and saw the little shadow run out the other side. Ah, it was a mouse. Imagine the luck. If I could keep the little brat in my range for a couple of hours the time would just fly by. That’s how I’d been killing my evenings as a cat back in D.C.
There was a clever little mouse, too clever in my opinion, and I’d been chasing the little guy for weeks.
In fact, it was so smart I started to suspect it for a shifter. I hadn’t had the time in the last few weeks to go smelling around all my new neighbors to see if I detected mouse, but this one remained, by far, the smartest one I’d encountered.
The little mouse in front of me now was quick, but so was I. I would have to be cautious so I wouldn’t get hit by a car. A nice field sat to the right to the side of the hotel, and if I chased the mouse there it could be hours of fun had by all. Or by me, anyway.
But mousey had his own rules. I don’t know why I decided he was a boy. Maybe because most frustrating things are male. He headed right back for the revolving doors to the hotel. Hissing, I took off after him.
We sped through, and the doorman backed up so fast he almost fell over. We threaded through the feet of all the people in the lobby, and I sincerely hoped I could chase mousey out of the hotel before someone called the pound on me. Otherwise, I would have to give up and make an exit while I still had the chance.
Mr. Mouse headed for the back of the hotel, dodging behind racks of luggage and potted plants. I stayed right behind him. For the most part, people didn’t notice us. A few squealed and moved away. Right before the casino theater I caught up with him and slapped my paw down on his long black tail.
He was black and white just like the mouse in D.C. which gave me a little thrill. Even if I couldn’t catch that creature, at least I could catch this one. He turned and looked at me, his little nose twitching. He didn’t look scared. In fact, he looked amused. Stupid freaking mouse.
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Someone asked this question at Romancedivas.com and I think it’s an excellent one. Especially with valentine’s day coming up any second. I’d like to have you guys share yours as well.
I am a little funny about what’s romantic. To me wine and roses, not all that romantic. It’s the real life stuff that makes a great relationship. So a lot of the songs I find romantic are probably not going to be the same as the ones on your lists.
The Man in Love With You by George Strait. Wonderful. Just lovely. He owns up to the fact he isn’t capable of moving mountains for her or working magic but he is the man in love with her. How could we ever ask for more?
As a general rule I actually don’t listen to much country but some of the most romantic songs I can think of are actually country. Like this one by Dierks Bentley. Long Trip Alone. Life is long and hard to trek alone. How about together. This video is odd but the sentiment remains lovely.
And for my last country song for the moment. This song was my wedding song. My husband chose it and I love it. I think it was a wonderful choice for two people who love each other in that real life way. Home to You by John Michael Montgomery.
In the non-country realm there’s tons of songs I think are very romantic. One is the song by Lifehouse called Hanging by a Moment. I love that song. He says, “I’m falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I’ve held on to. I’m standing here until you make me move.” I love that. Just love it. I’m standing here as long as you let me. That’s how deeply I am in your life. Awesome.
I also love The Calling’s Wherever You Will Go. Same thing. I’ll follow you where ever you go. What could be more romantic than that?
Snow Patrol’s Chasing Car’s is another one. There’s something so poignant about the line, “If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?” I love that so much. “All that I am and all that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes. They’re all I can see.” Sigh.
Of course this isn’t remotely the whole of my list. But it’s a teaser. What are some of the songs on your list?
AJ
So we got this packet in the mail from Disney Home Videos, for whom I used to work, trying to sell us copious amounts of DVD’s because Disney will sell anything if they think they can get away with it. And they can get away with selling a lot of things that defy reason and imagination because they slap a picture of a princess on it. I am just as guilty of this as any other parent. I put myself through things that would have been considered cruel and unusual twenty years ago because my daughter wants to watch it.
But among this list of movies that I can use to lower my already questionable level of sanity is a “free gift.” About two dozen stickers that we can put on the Disney DVDs we already own to identify them as ours. I will tell you that in the real world my last name is Anderson. I don’t use it because everyone’s last name is Anderson. So these little stickers say, “This Disney DVD’s owner is: THE ANDERSON FAMILY.”
This freaking sticker drives me insane. My kids have insisted on placing them all over my house including in places which could, in no way, be classified as a DVD. Or even DVD related. Like the bathroom wall and all over the edge of the kitchen table. This sticker is barely English! It drives me nuts. I can think of a million ways this could be written that would place it more fully in the realm of objects intended for those people for whom English is not a second language.
How about, “This Disney DVD belongs to the Anderson family.” Oh, excuse me. THE ANDERSON FAMILY. Because we deserve to be capitalized. We’re THE Anderson family. The only one. We’re like the Matrix. Or how about, “This Disney DVD is owned by THE ANDERSON FAMILY.” Is it just me or can you hear that echoing when you say it?
Or any number of ways that would have been more gramatically appropriate, not that this is entirely inappropriate grammatically, just incredibly annoying. It makes me want to never buy another Disney DVD again. But it probably doesn’t matter because even if I didn’t I will be finding these stickers forever, on the bottom of my shoes, the inside of the lid to the garbage can and in the box of granola bars. This Oatmeal Raisin Chewy Granola Bar’s owner is: THE ANDERSON FAMILY!
AJ
Isn’t love funny? I’m no expert on the stuff. My first love Mike (at fifteen) was unrequited and thought I was a total lunatic. He spent most of his time staring at me as though I had more than one head. Although with his hair, which resembled nothing more than a giant handle bar mustache perched atop his unnaturally large head, I’m not sure he had much room to talk about other people’s heads. Even those with more than one. Yet something in my pubescent brain sent me the message that this was a lethal Lothario before me.
Then there was Bill. I’m not sure I would have called that love. It was something, but I wouldn’t call it love. Demented. Obsessive dedication on my part and sad codependency on his. I don’t know but whatever it was he went and did the same thing to about a half a dozen other girls and still has not managed to really commit himself to a relationship at the age of 37. He was just the kind of guy that girl’s thought they could change but no one ever manages. I feel sorry for him.
Finally there’s my husband, also a Mike, although without goat hair. He’s a good one. I always tell my single girl friends who are convinced that there are no good ones left that there are. They just have to hold out and be happy with being single. It wasn’t until I was sick and tired of guys and so happy to be on my own that I finally met someone who was a perfect match for me. My soul mate if you believe in that kind of thing.
And yet with so little to recommend me I spend all my time talking about romance and death. Actually I’ve never died so I guess I do have a little more experience in the romance department. Actually I have a lot of experience in the dating department. I had the singular blessing of being thin and pretty in the years where it really mattered and had plenty of dates. (not so pretty and definitely not so thin anymore, but now it doesn’t really matter does it?) I would say literally in the thousands. With dozens and dozens of different men who looked different and acted different and treated me differently so if there’s anything I know it’s the quintessential date. Maybe that qualifies me to write romance.
Actually, you know I think the only thing that qualifies someone to write anything about romance is believing in love. That it exists, that thousands of lame dates aside there’s a someone out there for everyone. Could be anywhere. The grocery store. A choir. That’s where I met my husband, in a choir class at the University of New Mexico Institute of Religion. Maybe right in front of you. I believe in the conquering power of love and the healing power of trusting someone else and that qualifies me as much as anyone else willing to wax poetic about the big L. Gotta love the love.
Song of the day: That’s Where it Is, Carrie Underwood. I could search forever for what’s right before my eyes.
Quote of the day: I pay very little regard…to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person.
-Jane Austen
AJ
So yesterday on the radio I heard they were remaking a very favorite of mine. My Fair Lady. I’m not sure because I didn’t look it up, even though I meant to, but I don’t think it is a modern adaptation. But the point of this story is this.
I heard on the radio that casting agents are pushing hard to recast the fabulous Henry Higgins, one of my favorite characters of all time. It’s not hard to have a soft spot for a character that retains the charactaristics that make him unique and different even after falling in love. When I was a kid I hated the end of that movie. But now I love it because it’s true to Henry Higgins’ character. We know he loves her, he knows he loves her and she knows he loves her. Who cares if he says it. I suspect he will eventually. He just needs to get his mind around the idea of saying it outloud and putting himself at that much of a disadvantage.
The original Henry Higgins was played by the indomitable Rex Harrison. Oh, how I love him. And Rex was a hottie as a young man. In fact, he wasn’t so bad as an old man.
Now I understand that the two men neck and neck for this part in remake are Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Oh, dear God, and I mean that as a prayer. Brad Pitt and George Clooney? Why not just cast Prince or a woman, instead?
I will admit that both look decently like Henry Higgins might. However, neither one of them are stellar actors. I submit to you Meet Joe Black and Batman. Ouch.
Why not use an English actor. What’s up with all the Americans? I have no desire to watch Brad Pitt butcher an English accent. He’ll need the same kind of lessons as Eliza Doolittle before he can do the part.
Here’s my suggestions for casting. I’m sure there are tons of English actors who would step up in a part like this. But allow me to suggest…
Colin Firth
Colin is a wonderful actor who, we already know, excels at acting imperious. I love him in almost everything he does and look, he’s English.
Kenneth Branagh
Kenneth is famous for his Shakespeare and he looks right too. He’s also famous for having once been married to Emma Thompson the nutty oracle reader in the Harry Potter movies among others.
Heck, I’d even suggest Sting
He’s an actor, he’s English, he’s freaking hot, and he’s old enough to be Henry Higgins. And he can sing.
I’m sure there’s a ton of people I haven’t even thought of. Got any suggestions? Ones that aren’t Brad Pitt and George Clooney?
AJ
For the last several months I’ve been writing category because I’ve got something good going in that direction that could really expand my career. But it’s been an odd loss of my normal voice. A literary laryngitis, if you will. It’s been strange and uncomfortable for me. A strong stretching of the word muscles I normally use. I think the biggest difference, for me, has been the conflict. In a romantic suspense or series mystery, the bulk of what I write, the conflict is, much of the time, external. Events and people are effecting them from the outside. In the course of writing this much simpler, more straight forward, style of romance, all the conflict is directed inward.
It’s been different, sometimes interesting, some times a little horrible, and hopefully worth it in the end. But now that I’m strongly in the edits stage when I want to take a break I’ve gone back to my normal voice. Right now it feels a little rusty. But I’m liking the feeling of reembracing that violent, mysterious stuff I love so much. I’m just demented that way I guess. I can’t decide what to write but I’m overcome with the chance to kill someone again. On paper of course. I’m like a kid in a candy store with tons of choices that I could work on. I planned to spend this entire summer editing and resubmitting some things that had been rejected but for now I think I’m going to take a break from that and just go fictional people hunting.
AJ
This is a long post. I hope you will forgive me and bear with me and go on to read it all. The information here is directly from the blog Thinking in Metaphors.
Mrs. Wendy Portillo is a Kindergarten teacher at Morningside Elementary, in Port St. Lucie Florida. On Wednesday April 21st, 2008, Mrs. Portillo likely caused permanent emotional scarring of one of her 5 year old students. In a story by Colleen Wixon of the TCPalm
, Mrs. Portillo led her class in a “Survivor” type vote to exclude Alex Barton from the class. The 5 year old was placed in front of the class and each student was allowed to say what they didn’t like about Alex (reportedly telling Alex he was disgusting and annoying) and then a vote was taken on whether Alex should be allowed to be included in the classroom or not. By a 14 to 2 margin, the students voted Alex out of the class. He was then sent to the nurse’s office. When Alex’s mother, Melissa Barton came to pick him up, she found Alex “shaken-up”.
The following night (Thursday), Alex’s mother, Melissa, overheard Alex saying “I’m not special” over and over again. According to his mother, Alex is reliving the incident. Mrs. Barton stated “He was incredibly upset” and “The only friend he has ever made in his life was forced to do this”.
One fact that makes what Ms. Portillo did especially egregious is that since February, Ms. Portillo has known that Alex was undergoing an evaluation by the school system in Port St. Lucie for a disability covered under the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (”IDEA”). The IDEA is a law ensuring that students with disabilities receive services throughout the nation. Alex was being evaluated for possibly having Asperger’s Syndrome, one of the five pervasive developmental disorders associated with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. The IDEA requires that the school system evaluate the child and if found to have a covered disability, an IEP (Individual Education Program) is to be created by a team. The team consists of the child’s teacher (for Alex it was Ms. Portillo), a special education teacher, parents, and the school’s specialized professionals such as a speech pathologist, occupational therapists etc. According to reports, Ms. Portillo had been participating with the IEP team since Alex was identified as a child possibly covered under IDEA.
I find it incredible that Ms. Portillo, knowing that Alex most likely had a disability affecting his ability to communicate and socialize in a typical way, would nonetheless do exactly what is possibly the worst thing she could do and that is to subject him to public humiliation and to teach the other children the dynamics and acceptability of a mob bullying. Even if Alex didn’t have a disability, the implications of what Ms. Portillo did is nothing short of outrageous. What she did was aggressive and anti-social. She used her authority to organize what was essentially a psychological mob lynching of a five year old.
Mrs. Barton has attempted to find redress with Morningside Elementary’s resource officer. According to Michelle Steele, the spokeswoman of the Port St. Lucie Department, an investigation was done and the state attorney’s office concluded the matter did not meet the criteria for emotional child abuse!
MS. PORTILLO’S EGREGIOUS VIOLATIONS
Violations of Florida’s Child Abuse Law
According to Florida law code 39.202, 205; 39.201; 39.01 (2), emotional abuse is defined as “Willful or threatened act resulting in physical, mental, or sexual injury or harm, causing or likely to cause impairment of physical, mental or emotional health”. Apparently, the state attorney felt that marching a 5 year old in front of a class to allow his classmates to denigrate him and then to exclude him from the learning environment was neither “willful” on Ms. Portillo’s part nor likely to cause an emotional impairment for Alex. How the state’s attorney came to that conclusion is simply mind boggling. The facts are that a public humiliation of a small child occurred, the child was “shaken up” and unable to attend the school and was heard repeating “I’m not special” which indicates to me that he has internally processed the exact message Ms. Portillo intended (i.e. that he is not a good person). Ms. Portillo has created a hostile environment for Alex in his classroom and thus I believe has created a “willful act resulting in mental harm and causing an impairment of emotional health”.
Violations of Florida law HB 669
On April 30, 2008, the governor of Florida signed into law an anti-bully measure titled HB 669-School Safety, Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up for All Students Act”. I believe Ms. Portillo has violated the following sections of this law: According to section 1006.147 (2), (2a) (3a), Florida Statutes, Bullying and Harrassment of any student or school employee of a public K-12 educational institution is prohibited; (2a) During any education program or actiity conducted by a public k-12 educational institution is prohibited; (2b) During any school-related or school-sponsored program or activity or on a school bus of a public K-12 educational institution; (3) (3a) For purposes of this section (a) bullying means systematically and chronically inflicting physical hurt or psychological distress on one or more students and may involve: Teasing; Social Exclusion: Threat, Intimidation: Stalking: Physical violence: Theft: Sexual or racial harassment: Public Humiliation; or Destruction of property; (3b) Harrassment means any threatening, insulting, or dehumanizing gesture including written and verbal conduct directed against a student or school employee that: 1. Places a student or school employee in reasonable fear of harm to his or her person; 2 Has the effect of substantially disrupting the orderly operaton of a school. The definitions for bullying and harassment included in HB 669 that Ms. Portillo is likely to have commented are the following: in section (3d) include 2. “Perpetuation of conducted listed in paragraph (a) or paragraph (b) by an individual or group with intent to demean, dehumanize, embarrass, or cause physical harm to a student or school employee, by incitement or coercion and 4. “Acting in a manner that has an effect substantially similar to the effect of bullying or harassment.”
The following facts are clear and not in contention according to the TCPalm report. Ms. Portillo, admitted that she held Alex out in front of the class ( 2a: during any education program or activity and incitement or coercion), encouraged his classmates to participate in an exercise to cause public humiliation (by asking the students to identify him in derogatory ways) in violation of 3a (inflicting physical hurt or psychological distress on one or more students), 3b (Harrassment means any threatening, insulting, or dehumanizing gesture including written and verbal conduct directed against a student) and 4 (Acting in a manner that has an effect substantially similar to the effect of bullying or harassment). Finally, Ms. Portillo allowed the “mob” she created to exclude Alex from an appropriate educational setting in violation of 3b2 (has the effect of substantially interfering with a student’s educational performance, opportunities, or benefits).
In a review of how HB 669 defines bullying (means systematically and chronically inflicting physical hurt or psychological distress on one or more students), Ms. Portillo seems to have violated nearly half of the 10 definitions of bullying in HB 669. She committed the following in accordance with the definition:
1. Teasing
2. Social exclusion
4. Intimidation
9. Public humiliation
Investigators should look into whether she has chronically committed acts listed above more than once in order to establish a violation under the definition. If I were a betting man, I’d bet that she has.
It’s unfortunate that Ms. Portillo’s acts didn’t occur after he was formally identified as qualifying under IDEA because she has violated multiple rules under the IDEA.
Violation of The Florida State Board of Education Rules on Ethics
Ms. Portillo violated basic ethical tenants that are outlined by the State of Florida Board of Education. In particular, Ms. Portillo violated Rule 6B-1.006, FAC. By bringing Alex in front of other students, and subjecting him to group humiliation, as well as giving tacit permission to the students to harass Alex, she violated the Ethics Code that teachers place themselves under when they apply for a Florida Teacher’s Certificate.
The Code of Ethics and the Principles of Professional Conduct of the Education Profession in Florida (as published by the Florida Education Standards Commission) states the following:
The State Board of Education Rule 6B-1.006, FAC:
1) The following disciplinary rule shall constitute the Principles of Professional Conduct of the Education Profession in Florida.
2) Violation of any of these principles shall subject the individual to revocation or suspension of the individual educator’s certificate, or the other penalties as provided by law.
3) Obligation to the student requires that the individual:
a) Shall make reasonable effort to protect the student from conditions harmful to learning and/or the student’s mental and/or physical health and/or safety.
e) Shall not intentionally expose the student to unnecessary embarrassment or disparagement.
g) Shall not harass or discriminate against any student on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, age, national or ethnic origin, political beliefts, marital status, handicapping condition, sexual orientation, or social and family background and shall make reasonable effort to assure that each student is protected from harassment or discrimination.
In Obligation 5 (Obligation to the profession), Section D states: Shall not engage in harassment or discriminatory conduct which reasonably interferes with an individual’s performance of professional or work responsibilities or with the orderly process of education or which creates a hostile, intimidating, abusive, offensive, or oppressive environment; and further, shall make reasonable effort to assure that each individual is protected from such harassment or discrimination.
According to State Board of Education Rule 6B-1.001 FAC: 1) The educator values the worth and dignity of every person, the pursuit of truth, devotion to excellence, acquisition of knowledge, and the nurture of democratic citizenship. Essential to the achievement of these standards are the freedom to learn and to teach and the guarantee of equal opportunity for all.
2) The educator’s primary professional concern will always be for the student and for the development of the student’s potential. The educator will therefore strive for professional growth and will seek to exercise the best professional judgement and integrity.
Violation of Port St. Lucie’s Mission Statement
The St. Lucie County Public Schools has a mission statement and it explicitly states: “The schools of the St. Lucie County School District in partnership with parents and community will become premier centers of knowledge that are organized around students and the work provided to them. St. Lucie County School District’s name will be synonymous with the continuously improving student achievement and the success of each individual. Our school district’s promise is to move from good to great focusing on our core business, the creation of challenging, engaging and satisfying work for every stuent, every day. This is the St. Lucie way!” Somehow I doubt the school system would consider the actions of Ms. Portillo (creating a humiliating and dehumanizing environment for a kindergartener and subjecting him to the “mob” mentality) is in accordance with the school system’s mission statement.
Violation of FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act)
I must say though that Alex’s rights under the Family and Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974 (FERPA) were apparently violated by the school district itself. FERPA is a federal law that protects the privacy of student educational records and applies to all schools that receive funds under an applicable program of the U.S. Department of Education. According to TCPalm’s report, the school resource officer Michelle Steele released some of Alex’s personal education records when she stated “Steele said the boy had been sent to the principal’s office because of disciplinary issues.” This is information that would be a part of his school records and thus protected under FERPA.
If the school district cannot abide by Federal Law itself, what can possibly be expected of them to hold Ms. Portillo accountable? Time will tell. The initial response has been rather bland and unextraordinary.
The Digital Journal highlights an important question in this case when they ask:
“Exactly what is being taught when a child - any child- is verbally attacked by classmates and then excluded? This is the mentality of reality television shows, and has no place in school. Deliberately subjecting a child to verbal abuse and rejection is a violation of the trust that teachers are given by parents, a violation of the most basic ethics we expect from anyone who has children under their care.”
It’s not unusual for autistic people to suffer from abuse and bullying, in fact it’s the norm. When it comes at the hands of a trusted public servant such as a teacher, it’s doubly hurtful because we expect an adult to know better. But when a teacher solicits participation of a group of 5 year olds in what is essentially a psychological mob lynching, one can legitimately conclude that this person should not be around any children at all. She “raped” a child of his dignity and has created an atmosphere of exclusion, intimidation and fear. This type of act on the part of Ms. Portillo shouldn’t be allowed to happen again and anyone who cares about the psychological lives of children should demand her immediate and unconditional resignation. If she refuses, she should be fired. There should be no second chances in a situation such as this.
If you would like to send a message to the school board, the principal, the county school system, the media, and the Florida State’s Attorney, I have created a customized letter that you can use by clicking on the links below. You can modify it to your liking. Let’s send a message that no second chances are warranted in this situation.
“Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” - Elie Wiesel
Update: 5/27/08 12:30pm - According to the Fort Pierce Tribune, Ms. Portillo has been reassigned on an interim basis to administrative offices and removed from the classroom pending investigation. Worldwide outrage over what happened to Alex and no doubt a deluge of letters and emails has caused the school to reevaluate its position because as of last Friday, nothing had been done, two days after the incident took place. Ms. Barton stated in the comments that the school system didn’t seem to be taking the matter seriously. I know this website has been viewed, and letters downloaded thousands of times since it was first posted. Countless good hearted people were moved to outrage over this incident. I would urge those who are just coming to this story to continue to send letters and emails to the officials below. The school year has just about ended and there will be competing interests involved in this situation. The school system needs to know that while they decided to move in the proper direction (albeit only through public pressure) that we still intend to follow through to make sure that if the investigation confirms what was in the original complaint, that Ms. Portillo needs to be removed from the classroom permanently as this situation does not deserve a second chance. My concern is that Ms. Portillo will simply be moved to another school in the Fall and that would send the wrong message to others that would bully children. I also hope the State Board of Education, that has the power to revoke a teaching license will also follow up with an investigation. The State’s Attorney needs to explain his/herself as to why this incident did not meet the emotional abuse statute outlined above and how in one day they could make that determination. Can a proper investigation be done by the State’s Attorney in a day? I don’t see how that is possible. This situation warrants a thorough and thoughtful investigation and I’m concerned that neither was done. Children’s emotional well being should not be treated in what appears to be such a flippant manner.
Download SchoolPrincipal.doc email is cullym@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Download SchoolSuperintendent.doc email is lannonm@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Download SchoolBoardChairman.doc email is hilsonc@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Download St.LucieStatesAttorney.doc
Download WFLXnews.doc email is rleigh@wflx.com
Download WPTVnews.doc email is newstips@wptv.com
Download FloridaDepartmentofEducation.doc email: commissioner@fldoe.org
I can not believe what I’ve read today. The totally lack of concern on the part of school shows plainly that they regard Alex, and all children with disabilities, as second class citizens. To whom the rules of humanity do not apply. I am appalled and deeply saddened.
AJ
Today I am a newborn baby. Coming live to you! Today is my first day working with this new blog. Blogging is sort of like the NOW version of journaling. Something I’ve never been particularly good at unless I’m in the midst of a particularly over dramatic love affair. (Which I haven’t been for a number of years being married, as I am, to a person just as staid as me.)
Most of my posts on my previous blog were Thursday Thirteen entries I’m ashamed to admit. I will try to do better.
At the moment I am editing a Presents. I had a request for revisions for their Modern Heat line. I’m excited. I hope I can make it work and make a sell because then I would be able to quit my job. I am a woman of simple wants. 
Thanks for coming around and I promise to be more stimulating. At least once or twice a week.
AJ
